Jelly Jam-A-Ram

A week or so ago I was going to have an open house type Passion Party. For those who don't know, I am a Passion Parties consultant, I basically do tupperware parties but with sex toys and sensual products. But that's besides the point. For the party I bought some grapes and cherries. Slowly throughout the morning, pretty much everyone bailed out and didn't show up. Lame. So I ate most of the grapes but the cherries just sat in my fridge because they weren't super great and I kind of forgot about them. We did some grocery shopping which meant we needed more room and the fruit had to vacate. I came up with the genius idea to make jelly out of the cherries.

I looked up recipes online and went with the first one I found. The only things I didn't have were pectin (easily found at Safeway) and mason jars. Thankfully, I am a pickle jar collector and recently finished some pickles (I was actually looking for ways to use them). Pickle jars and mason jars are pretty much the same thing right? Right.

No, Seriously. Same thing.

So I boiled the cherries, making cherry juice. Now let me tell you, I am in no way domestic or a betty crocker type. I have been cooking lately because I'm not only broke but I get excited about projects, especially if I can eat them. I also hate wasting things: enter jelly making extravaganza. 

Okay, so I didn't have enough cherry juice. But it was okay because I just put a little less pectin in. And a little bit less sugar too, even though I'm not positive because a lot was spilled on the stove.  "Bring it to a rolling boil". I don't know if you've ever tried to boil a very sugary substance but that does not work unless you want the entire stove a new form of stick red goo.  

I did not. But I got it anyway.

Done! I just needed to put the jelly in the pickle jars. The jars were very hot (boiling goo will do that). I wasn't sure if I should put it in the fridge (will the jars crack with the cold?) or if I should just leave them out to cool down. 

*Rule of thumb: when in doubt, consult the directions.

"Put jars in a hot water bath for 5 minutes." Hot water doesn't cool things down. I was confused.

*Rule of thumb: when in doubt, call your parents.

So I called my mother  (she's the one on the left)

Before we could properly get into the confusion of a hot water bath, I told her I was using pickle jars. This did not please her. I explained my pickle jar expertise to her (they have wonderful seals) but she was worried about 'sterilizing' and 'bacteria'. What does that have to do with hot red goo? Finally, the decision was that following the directions is best, hot water bath it is. Even though this practice is only for sealing jars and certain parties assumed pickle jars would not seal.

The next morning I skipped to the fridge to pull out my masterpieces (even though cherry jelly doesn't sound good to me, I just wanted to see how competent I am). I pulled out the first one, opened it, stuck my nose in to smell the amazing aroma that I created.

And it smelled like pickles. So I got the second jar and when I opened it I heard a wonderful little POP. Yes, that's right, it sealed. HAH! I win. 

Now to explain this next phenomenon, I must first give a piece of the story that I neglected earlier. While I was pouring jelly into the jars, I had one big one and one little one. I decided using the big one would be a waste so I decided to use the one with Mike's Typhoo tea in it. I rinsed it out and poured in the jelly. Okay, now back to the story. 

I popped that heavenly top and went in for a sniff. Yes, you guessed it, it smelled like tea. But not good tea with a hint of cherry, it was a creepy tea smell combined with an odd visual of gleaming cherry jelly. Maybe it only SMELLS like tea but TASTES amazing. Which is actually far off. It did not taste like tea, just solid sugar. The 4 and a half cups of sugar flashed in my mind. 

Which brings me to my next endeavorer, I'm going into business for myself. Just send me 20 bucks and your mailing address.  I'll send you a 'grab bag' of 'specialty items' straight from Portland, Oregon. Not convinced? How about this:

How do you feel about saying no to this face?